Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing:
thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
Psa 30:11
One year ago today I said good-bye to my grandmother, who was dearer to me than any amount of words that I might write. I'd like to share snips of some things that I wrote last year, in her memory:
10/27/12: This past Tuesday, I said "Good-bye" to a very special lady....my
grandmother. She passed on with a final days testimony of knowing the
Lord and being at peace, but there is a hole in my heart as big as the
Grand Canyon. I'd like to repost something I wrote for her birthday
five years ago. Then continue reading to see the amazing things that God did in those final days!
---originally written 2/6/08---
My grandmother... I love her
so much that my heart aches when I think of the day I will no longer
have her. Her 80th birthday is Friday and the girls and I have put
together a big box of goodies to mail. We're also having flowers
delivered. As I sat, thinking about why she's so special to me, a sort
of tribute came about. Here is what I've written her and why she's so
very special.
An 80th birthday is certainly a time to
celebrate! In planning for your special day, it has also been a time for
me to reflect on all that you mean to me. I have so many wonderful
memories stored away that I couldn’t just pick one, so here are some of
my favorites!
I remember….
Looking out your
kitchen window, into the darkness while you spun tails of the Easter
Bunny's helpers watching me from afar. I was absolutely convinced they
were out there!
The box of toys, kept especially for me, in the corner of your kitchen. It reminded me that I was loved and wanted around.
Hiding
under your kitchen table to ‘surprise’ you (every day!) when you came
home from work and the fact that you acted surprised every time!
Taking
walks in the woods to look for bunny and squirrel tracks, and how you’d
walk slow enough for my little legs, never growing impatient because
you had something better to do.
Walking in the fields to the strawberry patch.
Waking up on the morning of my brother’s birth, to find you in my parents bed, waiting for me to wake up.
Our first morning in Manchester, looking out the big windows at the unfamiliar streets and wanting to go see Grammy.
Summer visits and walks to the beaver dam, playing dress-up; laying in front of the fans together to cool off.
Winter visits of sledding on wooded paths.
Having early Christmases before you left for AZ and missing you the entire winter. I waited eagerly for your letters!
All
the help you gave me through my teenage years. Being my lifeline,
always listening and never judging, your concern for my safety. You
helped me through some rocky roads.
How you always
invested in my interests, like when I wanted to be an exchange student
to Russia. You were the first to pitch in and help.
I
remember….all of your love, your patience, your kindness. I remember how
you’ve always been my biggest cheerleader and my strongest supporter.
When we had to say goodbye after Christmas, I whispered “I don’t want to
go!” and though your heart hurt as much as mine, you didn’t tell me not
to leave, you simply said “I know”. Instead of guilt for leaving, you
gave me strength to do what I had to do.
For all these things and more, I love you! Happy 80th birthday Grammy!
Little did I know that God was looking down, arranging every aspect of the day in such a way that would bring Him glory and me peace. Please read on....:
---
Monday, October 22, 2012, my
grandmother just didn't seem herself and by Tuesday morning, she was
bed-ridden. My heart hurt so much, knowing that I couldn't be there
with her. God would not give me peace to make the trip from NC to NH. I
didn't know why but maybe it was because of the events that he had
planned. God does know what is best for us.
On
Tuesday morning, my aunt called me. She just "felt" like she should. She told me how Grammy wasn't talking but she
could hear them, as evidenced by the half smiles she'd give on
occasion. My aunt offered to put the phone to her ear so I could talk
to her. I took that opportunity to tell her how much I love her and
thank her for everything she's always meant to me. Then I got back on
the phone. Literally, within minutes, my aunt whispered, "Karen, she's
gone." I could hear other family in the background saying, "she was
waiting for Karen to call." and I believe she was. My grandmother and I
have always had a special bond. She used to say that we shared the same
heart.
After hanging up with my aunt, I looked at my phone and we had not even been on the phone a full ten minutes! I would never have called Grammy's room at 8am! GOD
did that - He knew how badly I wanted to be with her and in that small
window of time, He saw fit to put it on my aunt's heart to call. I am
amazed. I don't know how many hours I spent on the floor with my
children, grieving her passing.
At some point, I began thinking of my life verse:
Isa 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
I
began wondering how God was going to take this situation and bring any
beauty out of it or add any joy to it. To make a much more detailed
story shorter, about 8 hours after Grammy's death, I received this
beautiful gift:
Coincidence? No! That's GOD. I
don't know why He chose to unfold His plan this way - why my
grandmother was never to know that she'd be a great-grandmother once
again, but I do know that He orders each and every one of our steps. She'd have loved her newest great grandaughter. How I miss her! I love you Grammy - forever and ever - to the moon and back.
Christmas 2010
© Adorning Grace 2013
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